Chicago Stage Review review of Cherrywood

Venus Zarris is getting more credit in this town. I, for one, think she has a really keen eye and her website www.chicagostagereview.com is one of the best for theater in the city if not the universe.
So naturally, I was a little confused by her take on David Cromer's imaginative and transcendent version of the Rude Mechanicals play "Cherrywood: a play by David Cromer".
Cherrywood has changed the way Americans see theater and soon, with the world on our heels, we will control and dominate everything that theater has to offer anyone, such as I dominate ants when I am outside.
Ms. Zarris has lines in her review such as:
"It is preposterous to expect the audience to connect with Cherrywood’s ludicrous contrivances."
Well, that may be true, and nobody seems to be arguing that point. But what I'm not hearing from Venus is about how fucking totally rad werewolves are.
Have you ever SEEN a werewolf, Venus? Clearly you haven't, because if you had, you wouldn't be so worried about things making sense all the time. Werewolves bring milk to parties and bang all the good looking chicks and they go to the best parties and WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING ME ON THIS!!?
Werewolves are cool and I will accept nothing less than a different review just about werewolves and how they are awesome and maybe an apology letter to David Cromer, even though he probably won't read it because now he is in New York directing Phylicia Rashad and Rutger Hauer in "Arsenic and Old Lace" or whatever play he wants to turn into the number one summer jam play in New York.
I think your review might have some good stuff to say in it, but I can't help but wonder, what if you had seen it with a chinese menu in your hand.

Venus Zarris' review of Cherrywood
C+

-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

EXCLUSIVE Interview with Cherrywood star Briana De Giulio

We sat down with Briana De Giulio to dish about Dereck Garner, Cherrywood, and Dereck Garner's sexuality.  Looks like Briana wants an EXCLUSIVE of her own!!  Let's CHERRYWATCH:

Are you enjoying working on Cherrywood?

Its as much work as it is trying to identify who likes boys and who likes girls in the theatre world: Easy and fun! 

What's been the most satisfying part?

The Mary-Arrchie isn't a big space. And the cast is larger than there seems to be room for. So there's a lot of "accidental groping" when trying to find space to move in on the set. So I guess its satisfying when I'm near Dereck Garner and that happens.

How would you characterize the most satisfying part?

If I could find a word that is even better than "sexy," that's what I'd characterize it as. And the closest thing I can even think to that is "Dereck Garner."

Are you enjoying that?

Who doesn't enjoy getting to spend their nights watching Dereck Garner with his shirt off?

Is Dereck Garner gay?

If Dereck Garner is gay, then I don't want to be a lady.

Do you think you are better than me?

I'm not better than you, but Dereck Garner is.

Thanks for your time. What do you think about Dereck Garner's performance?

I'd like to see someone do it better with their clothes on. Won't happen.

Have a nice life.

Are you being sarcastic because I said Dereck Garner is better than you? C'mon. Friends need to be honest with friends.

People Corner (Rich Cotovsky)

Every show has a leader and Award winning David Cromer's Cherrywood is no exception. There is a director, in this case the award winning David Cromer, but he is not the soul of this ensemble. How could he be, for he is so small and old.
This theater production is blessed with a sage that has seen it all. A shaman of plays that has been there, and will gladly tell the youngsters how to respect their elders.
His name is Rich Cotovsky and he has done everything. Do not pretend that he hasn't banged your mom, and probably your dad too.
Don't worry though, his smooth voice and mellow tones will make you not be mad anymore because you will fall asleep and cuddle on his lap in his van.
If you touch or look at his skin, be prepared to have the best orgasm of your life, because that's what you will have.
Also, he makes good soup, and can crockpot the shit out of a brisket.
He is a pharmacist in his civilian life, but that just means that he will prescribe you an ass whoopin' if you don't stop fronting.
I can't wait to see what they do with this, the stateliest of Chicago legends in a play filled with so much hot young ass.
Godspeed, Rich Cotovsky.

The Cast is Very Sick!

Sources confirmed on Friday that the entire cast is suffering from an illness that is threatening to destroy the very fabric of this once great and powerful play with no plot or characters. Sources tell us that no less than 30 members of the cast have become infected with what doctors are unable to diagnose at our human levels of technology. Symptoms have included barfing, thick, rich coughs, sneezing, wet hands, and edema (or dropsy). If you see any of these cast members, please stay away as they will ask you for cigarettes and probably hug you.
The ground zero body for the illness is Brian Hinkle, teen heartthrob and weirdo.
More news on this breaking development as it...develops.

EXCLUSIVE Interview with Michele Gorman!!!

Hello Cherrywatchers!  Today we have an interview with Columbia College grad and Cherrywood star Michele Gorman!

Nice to Meet You!

it's 9 am eric - i'm not in the mood.

How was your weekend?

what weekend?

Let's get right to the questions.

didn't you just ask a question?

Last Meal You’d Eat Before You Die?

i'm not on death row, eric, i don't like this question.

Last Time You Sang To Katy?

i don't know who that is and i don't care.

Last Time You Were Mistaken For Another Celebrity?

every day i have to remind carlo that i'm not that chick from the oc - the skinny one w/the drug problem - i mean i guess there's some similarities...

Last Time You Saw Katy?

haven't we already been thru this? who is this katy person? nevermind, don't tell me. i don't actually care.

Last Time You were Starstruck?

last nite - did you know CARLO LORENZO GARCIA is in this show?

Last Time You Hung Out with Adam Lambert?

i don't really associate w/"those people."

Last Time You Cried?

i'm crying right now.

Last Romantic Date You Had ?

"romantic"? "date?" i'm not familiar with these terms...

EXCLUSIVE Cherrywood BBQ Pics! The Stars Are Just Like Us!

The whole gang! They party just like US!

Rich Cotovsky learns what fire can do!

Everyone can eat!

Sexy smiles!

This cast is HIP and underage!

Smoking is pretty cool at Camp Cherrywood! Join in kids!

Even special people can have fun at BBQs!

Be on the lookout for new heartthrob Geoff Button!

Javier Bardem and Briana are ready for your questions!

Grab a hat, why don't you?

About to make out with David Cromer? EXCLUSIVE!

Briana De Giulio laughs at Kasia, which quickly turns into a sexy arm rub.

Aileen May from Factory Theatre's Hey Dancin' is so mad at her new friends!

The older folks like to sit around the grill and talk about the old theatre times when Malkovich used to do the grilling and Michael Shannon would get really drunk and try to kiss them.

Exclusive Interview with Paul Holmquist

David Cromer's Cherrywood is rapidly becoming the most successful play to be on Planet Earth since Angels in America made it's way to Broadway during the Stonewall riots.
I was able to sit down with the second most important director in Chicago to discuss the arrival of the Cherrywood bus, and what this will mean to the future of entertainment as a whole and him in particular.


Nice To See You Paul.
--Yeah, right. Like I trust you.

Why Would You Say Something Like That To Me?
--You left without even saying Goodbye! No explanation, nothing. Just left me with the flaming bag of dogshit in my hand like it all meant nothing to you.

Let's Get Started, Jerk.
--Fine. Use me. Why stop now.

Last Time I Cried:
--When I woke up and you were gone and I saw the $45 on my nightstand.

Last Time I Lied:
--When I sang "I aint missing you at all"

Last Thing I Bought:
--A fifth of Jim Beam.

Last Time I Was Angry:
--When I opened my email and saw you wanted something from me. I owe you NOTHING. You took EVERYTHING.

Last Indulgence:
--I'm indulging you right now, you heartless fuck.

My Favorite Thing About Cherrywood At Mary Arrchie:
--All of the money those fine actors will make. 49 people finally making a living wage in Storefront theatre thanks to David "Jesus Walks" Cromer bringing in the big money from New York. I can't wait to miss this one!

Last Dream:
--A small cottage in the country, just us two. You come home from a long day working on our modest farm and I've just baked an olive loaf.

Last Food I’d Like To Eat Before I Die:
--You think about that and think hard. Before I Die. Doesn't it hurt just a little?

Last thing I bought my Mom:
--Tickets to your last show. What an idiot I was.

Why I think I'm so much better than you:
--Because I don't need you! I'm better than this! If you liked it, you should have put a ring on it - I'm out the door!

What's The Attraction To Cherrywood?
--Her name is Alison Cain.

Thanks For Your Time.
--Leave me alone. For ever.