Exclusive Interview with Paul Holmquist

David Cromer's Cherrywood is rapidly becoming the most successful play to be on Planet Earth since Angels in America made it's way to Broadway during the Stonewall riots.
I was able to sit down with the second most important director in Chicago to discuss the arrival of the Cherrywood bus, and what this will mean to the future of entertainment as a whole and him in particular.


Nice To See You Paul.
--Yeah, right. Like I trust you.

Why Would You Say Something Like That To Me?
--You left without even saying Goodbye! No explanation, nothing. Just left me with the flaming bag of dogshit in my hand like it all meant nothing to you.

Let's Get Started, Jerk.
--Fine. Use me. Why stop now.

Last Time I Cried:
--When I woke up and you were gone and I saw the $45 on my nightstand.

Last Time I Lied:
--When I sang "I aint missing you at all"

Last Thing I Bought:
--A fifth of Jim Beam.

Last Time I Was Angry:
--When I opened my email and saw you wanted something from me. I owe you NOTHING. You took EVERYTHING.

Last Indulgence:
--I'm indulging you right now, you heartless fuck.

My Favorite Thing About Cherrywood At Mary Arrchie:
--All of the money those fine actors will make. 49 people finally making a living wage in Storefront theatre thanks to David "Jesus Walks" Cromer bringing in the big money from New York. I can't wait to miss this one!

Last Dream:
--A small cottage in the country, just us two. You come home from a long day working on our modest farm and I've just baked an olive loaf.

Last Food I’d Like To Eat Before I Die:
--You think about that and think hard. Before I Die. Doesn't it hurt just a little?

Last thing I bought my Mom:
--Tickets to your last show. What an idiot I was.

Why I think I'm so much better than you:
--Because I don't need you! I'm better than this! If you liked it, you should have put a ring on it - I'm out the door!

What's The Attraction To Cherrywood?
--Her name is Alison Cain.

Thanks For Your Time.
--Leave me alone. For ever.

An Interview with House Theatre Artistic Director Nathan Allen! EXCLUSIVE!

So, I sat down with wunderkind Artistic Director Nathan Allen, who finally brought interesting theatre to Chicago with The House Theatre Company. I asked him some probing questions! Come on, join the probe!

Are you upset that you did not think of doing Cherrywood first?

Butane in my veins and I’m out to cut the junkie with the plastic eyeballs
(Ed. – This is a weird comment.)

So wait, the House does original work?

Don’t believe everything that you breathe
You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve
(Ed. – Wait, Eric, he was actually saying these things? Eric – Yes. I don’t think he was really listening, he kept looking at his iPhone and sort of chuckling.)

What's your earliest memory?

The daytime crap of the folksinger club
He hung himself with a guitar string
A slab of turkey-neck and it’s hangin’ from a pigeon wing
(Ed. – This comes nowhere near answering the question. Eric – He started rubbing my knee here also.)

Does it hurt to think about it now?

You can’t write if you can’t relate
(Ed. – This is retarded. Eric – I dunno. It’s all he would say. He was wearing a Nixon mask at this point.)

What's for din-din tonight?

Go crazy with the cheese whiz
(Ed. – Oh, come on! Eric – Please, can I go? This is too painful to relive like this.)

Does it hurt to think about it now?

I’m a driver, I’m a winner; things are gonna change I can feel it
(Ed. – What a jerk. What a huge fucking jerk. Eric - *sobs*)

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer