Ok, everyone, that's it. I'm so sick about this. I just want to puke and have God clean it up while Satan laughs!
Cherrywood is NOT PLAYING THIS WEEKEND!
Are you dummy people, Mary Arrchie? Not playing the BIGGEST hit of the summer on a fat weekend when NOTHING ELSE IS HAPPENING? CAPS LOCK!!!!!!!
I just don't understand...my mind is reeling. AND rocking. But, do you want to know the biggest insult? Cherrywood is being replaced by the absolutely ridiculous and past its prime Abbie Hoffman Died for Your Sins Festival. Sorry, people who are saving theatre! We have to kick you out because it's time for the 22nd YEAR OF CRAP.
Listen, we all know that Abbie Fest is a vipers nest of demonic sin and a self loathing orgy for useless college grads. Go hang out at the Sovereign, you dirty punks!
Cherrywood is a Sunday School for real artists. It's a magical place where the hottest people in town are saying the most important things in America. And you, Mary Arrchie, decided to throw a party where JACK FUCKING TAMBURRI GETS TWO SLOTS????
You know what, fine. FINE. I'll still go to the Abbie Fest, since I'm directing the Factory's "The New Adventures of Popeye the Sailor" which plays at 11pm on Friday. Anderson Lawfer and Esteban Andres Cruz will be in "The New Mrs. Anderson" at 10:55pm on Saturday. And all my good pals will hang out on the street drinking beer in complete defiance of JESUS' WORD.
But...I'm so disappointed. Between this, Brett Favre, and the Blago trial...well, it might be time for a bullet salad served with a side of Heartbreak dressing.
Enjoy the 22nd Annual Abbie Hoffman Festival at Angel Island theater this weekend folks! But not Cherrywood...because everything is balls.
-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer