Cherrywood Partying this Weekend (Guest Reviewer POP TARPS)

Holla at’cha, Cherrywatchers! Party expert, Pop Tarps, here. Givin’ you the 411 on where to spot all the beautiful bods and hot messes of C-Wood when they wanna toss aside their playacting scripts, pop some psychostimulants, and dance a Friday night all the way into the following Monday around 9:30am. From the exclusive $900 plate galas to the cheeky, back alley kink clubs, these celebs will be the blip blip blip on my fun-o-finder and then the hummada hummada hummada in your day2day convos around the La Croix fountain.

If you plan on cashing in your Virgin Atlantic frequent flyer miles this holiday weekend to visit family in some boondock city in Minneapolis or Arlington Cemetery in wherever that is, cancel those dead end engagements. STAT. OMGawd. Chicago is about to get caliente hot. Like sriracha sauce hot. Like Efron/Hudgens lovechild hot. Like Great Chicago Fire II hot. Sick C-Wood party action is all the buzz this weekend and anybody who is anybody who has a sexybody is asking, “Where are these sexy soldiers of the stage supposed to be glad-handin’ and booty-bumpin” Well, a-ten-hut, Private. The one line you wanna be fallin’ into is the one outside of Le Passage this Saturday. If you have to ask, “Where’s that,” do yourself a service and stay at home with your chamomile and your Northern Exposure box set.

Sources tell me that some 8 or 9 members of the cast plan on rolling up to the sultry discotheque sometime around midnight. And in style, too! I’ve been told that the jet-black suits at Mary-Arrchie have reserved each bombshell and hunk-hound their own personal stretch Hummer for the trip down (or on? lol) LSD. Now that’s what I call fringe benefits! Oh, and did I mention who’s leading this anything but passé pose to the Gold Coast’s creme de la crème de las nightclubs. Let’s just say, no, ahhhhh, Simon says, “Shhhhhh”.

If you want to bump buns and kiss faces with these A-listers , B-warned, C-Wooders are no early birds. Be prepared to stay out late! And definitely bring some extra c-notes. Not only do they act big, but they spend big, too.

As always, I’ve said too much.

Pop Tarps